Beloved community…..we all very hypersensitive right now and are having to hold space for a lot of difficult negative emotions. And because we are trying to communicate via Facebook, there is a lot of miscommunication and false assumptions being made about people.
Someone asked me if I would write a short tidbit about “What Not to Say To A Traumatized Person,” This is what I came up with which comes from my own personal experiences and professional experiences working with some of the most traumatize individuals in the rogue valley.
1) Why can’t you talk about the incident with me?
Trauma informed therapy is intended to “Go to where the person is at” emotionally. It also doesn’t delve into one’s past history as that could potentially trigger someone into past trauma’s. The goal is to help people set up small and realistic solutions, not overwhelm them. They might be totally disconnected from themselves and their bodies due to dissociation. There is a period of disbelief that occurs and that can last for a period of time before one is ready to move into anger, grief, and finally acceptance. This process of grief and loss will be processed differently by each individual.
Some people aren’t VERBAL processors of their emotions, thus, inquire about their unique way of processing. We often unconsciously project our own biases, values and beliefs on to others. We also project our own sensitivity on to them too, particularly if one is a highly sensitive person, or, empath.
Don’t overwhelm them with too much talking or information. They might be hypersensitive to noise and chaos, as well.
2) Don’t you think this is an opportunity for you to practice your spiritual practice of nonattachment?
The Buddhist spiritual practice of non-attachment is a spiritual law that exists in micro earth-based spirituality and in universal principles. We all know that we can’t take our personal possession with us; however, as humans we get attached to our material possessions, our animals, our gardens, and other humans. The concept of non-attachment can feel very cold, much like one is being asked to turn their emotions on-and-off like a faucet.
We are multidimensional beings—we form deep emotional bonds and attachments. Furthermore, our bodies require a certain balance of equilibrium that has completely been disrupted as a result of loosing one’s home. In Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” the first level of basic survival has been disrupted, which will disrupt one’s ability to feel balanced and have the privilege of experiencing spiritual illumination which is at the top of the pyramid.
3) Everything happens for a reason. Can you see the silver lining in this?
The fire was a random chance phenomenon and we are victims of such occurrences in our lives. One doesn’t need to be told when they are emotionally traumatized that this phenomenon was a part of their “life contract,” and thus, they should consult with their higher self about that. Furthermore, they did not create their own reality either via negative thought patterns. Nor should they be told that this is some karma they are burning off. Most people don’t know how to grapple with the stressors in their own life, much less, karmic patterns from other lives. It can take years for someone to see the silver lining in a traumatic event, and they may never come to this point of resolution.
4) I have experienced a trauma in my life; thus, I know what you are going through.
It is really important to hold an empathetic space for traumatized individuals. It is important to ask someone if they are open to receiving a story about your personal experience. It not only has to be relevant to the person’s life, they need to be in a space to receive it. More often than not too much information is hard due to inability to focus, retain information, fatigue, and memory loss. What I say to my clients is “This is my experience, you may or may not resonate with it, and I am not attached that.”
5) Why can’t you have a sense of humor about this? While humor can help to free up some intense energy, one can be easily offended due to hypersensitivity. I generally don’t use humor until I have built up a rapport with someone. IF they are sleep deprived, they most likely are not even going to be able to grasp the humor anyway.
Tune yourself in to the person emotionally. Don’t shame them for being spacey, unorganized, brittle, or emotionally intense.
PRACTICE RADICAL FORGIVENESS OF YOURSELF AND OTHERS RIGHT NOW.